Marriage Conflicts

^{Conflicts, Problems and Soulutions}

^{Where do marital conflicts begin? The same place most any conflict or sin starts from. It comes as a result of trying to please self, rather than living to please God. (Mt. 22:37-40) Remember, too, that we battle not just against flesh and blood, but against spiritual wickedness. Put on your full armor!}

^{Satan desires to destroy the Christian marriage and family. (Ja. 4:7; Eph. 6:12-16)}

^{When the focus is on self, then blame shifting begins. We think," If he/she would just get their act together, my life would be all right". Gen. 3:12,13}

^{Then, we start wondering if this person was really the one God chose for us. Maybe we made a mistake! There is probably someone much more compatible out there for us, we think.}

^{When problems occur in marriage, the first thing we usually do is pick at the faults we find in our mate. As Christ pointed out, we try to get the splinter out of their eye, while ignoring the board in our own. (Mt. 7:5)}

^{Where is God in this marriage?}

 ^{Even if only one spouse is seeking God, the Lord may work in that marriage situation. (Mt. 5:16; 1Co.7:16 )}

^{When difficult situations and conflicts arise in the marriage relationship, we must take the focus off of self, and put it on our spouse. They are your reality test of faith and love.}

^{Communication}

^{The art of communication is a very important ingredient in making a successful relationship. Scripture asks, " Can two walk together except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3) The desire to know every intimate detail of your mate during courtship can fade as the routine of married life sets in. That is why we must learn to keep those communication skills honed. We must deliberately choose to talk openly and honestly about our thoughts, hopes, dreams and vision for the future with our mate. Your spouse should be your closest friend, confidant and sounding board. When you look to others for this need, you begin a separation from your spouse in your thought life.}

^{Helps to Listen}

^{Try to recognize the issues.}

^{Let the other person speak fully.( Prov. 20:15; Ro. 15:1-3)}

^{Ask them to repeat what they just said because you really want to understand what they are talking about. (Eph. 4:29; Prov.18:13)}

^{Be eager to hear and slow to speak, holding your thoughts until the other is finished. (Prov.14:29; 15:23, 28; 25:11-12)}

^{Roadblocks to Conversation}

^{Do not practice mind reading when trying to converse. Instead of complaining, "You should know what I mean", you need to get across that what you really want is an open, honest communication.}

^{Do not just say "yes, dear" when you really dont understand the concerns or feelings of the other.}

^{Do not put off the time needed to talk when your spouse asks, no matter what else is trying to get your attention.}

Take responsiblity for your own actions.

^{Points to Ponder in Marital Communication}

  ^{Deal with what is going on now, not what happened in the past. Eph. 4:26.}

  ^{Don't try to solve a bunch of problems all at once. One at a time is plenty. Mt. 6:34 .}

^{Remember that each of you share responsibity for the problem. I Jn. 1:8; Prov.20:94.}

 ^{In the emotional arena, women tend to be more personal than men are. This is because their very body is made differently! Women are naturally more feelings orientated to people than men are. A man does not easily become intimately associated or involved with people and situations. For example, the husband can take a job offer in another state, thinking it is best for the family. The wife, though, will be thinking about the house she spent so much love, time and effort in to make it into a home. She will be concerned about moving the children from their friends and school, about leaving family ties and all the emotional upheaval that will incur with such a drastic move. That is not to say that the man does not care about these same things, only that he has a very different perspective on the same subjects.}